Boundaries to AVOID Compassion Fatigue
Compassion fatigue affects all parts of the person- mind, body, and soul. And, during high-stress times in the world, it is also something that seems to slowly disappear from society for those that don’t know how to manage it.
Compassion fatigue is manageable. It is not a forever thing AND I am super grateful for it. That’s right, I am grateful that I have so many feelings that I am exhausted and in pain. Compassion is what makes me human. I know that I don’t have to be in pain, though. The pain is in response to me not taking care of myself in the ways I know serve me.
So, this article was created not only for you but for me to kick my butt into gear by establishing some serious compassion fatigue recon.
This article will break down what is compassion fatigue, why some people get it and others do not, and what to do when you are experiencing compassion fatigue.
WHAT IS COMPASSION FATIGUE
Oxford Languages
noun
indifference to charitable appeals on behalf of those who are suffering experienced as a result of the frequency or number of such appeals.
Compassion fatigue is very often connected to caregiving and the role of the caregiver. However, I believe that many of us take the role of caregiving during heavy times. I also believe in technology + empathetic people who want to make a difference + hopelessness = compassion fatigue.
Compassion fatigue training exists for places that are nonprofit organizations, hospitals, vets, therapists, and counselors. Now there is even a compassion fatigue awareness project. We are meant to be connected to all of our body, mind, and spirit and there are organizations ready to help make it happen!
Why do some people get compassion fatigue and some do not?
Dr. Charles Figly, Director of Tulane Traumatology Institute believes, “Compassion fatigue is a state experienced by those helping people or animals in distress; it is an extreme state of tension and preoccupation with the suffering of those being helped to the degree that it can create secondary traumatic stress for the helper… Pandemics cause compassion fatigue because the price is so high with getting sick and the fear it generates. The cost of caring is sometimes high.”
compassion fatigue as a mother and people pleaser.
Symptoms of Compassion Fatigue
We want to isolate
Prone to emotional outbursts (early childhood coping skills of denying emotions until they explode)
Physical Ailments (everything from headache, joint pain, shoulder, low back, kidney to digestive disorders, CFS)
Divisive thinking (them versus us/other-directed) takes away from the healing within.
Distraction addicted (sex, substance, food, gambling, Netflix ;) self-medicating to distract not heal.
Sadness, loss of passion, or apathy (not feeling that we are living our quality of life)
Flashbacks and recurring nightmares
Common traits that are continuing the fatigue
Other-directness (not taking ownership of their own wellness journey)
Lack of clear boundaries or a language to have consistent boundaries
Unresolved pain/old trauma (childhood trauma, injustice, ancestral)
An overdeveloped sense of responsibility
The impulse to rescue anyone in need (willing to put other’s needs in front of their own at the drop of a hat)
How do we start doing this work?
Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
We allow what and who we want in our lives by clarifying our boundaries and owning our worth in the process. Learning to become other-directed to self-directed is a long journey but it is worth it. Letting go of our past traumas is part of the healing. What does not move through us, defines us.
Authentic sustainable self-care. That means something that doesn’t overwhelm you. Take it day by day. For example, add 5 minutes of meditation in the morning with 5 minutes of stretching or dancing.
Then, weekly add some new routines to your morning and evening until you find that you are getting excited to make yourself a priority in your life. The more you do for yourself, the more energy you have to give to others. Journaling, screaming into pillows, and taking days off are all part of self-care. No, self-care is not just getting your nails done or going to the spa. It’s deep diving into your pain and sometimes it means looking for counseling, massage, or integrative/holistic practitioners to help with the healing work as well.
Take days off social media, you do not need to see the sadness every day to be a part of it.
Social media is draining! I am sure even if you have a feed of people who you genuinely care about and like you do not need to see it every day. You do not need to read the news every day to be up to date. There are times for your brain shuts down so that you can process. Learning how much you can take and what type of sources affect you is important.
For example, I have learned as an artist and deeply empathetic person watching documentaries about sad things really doesn’t work for me, so I seek out written information because I can process it better. I am able to slowly digest it versus getting hit with a ton of bricks and then not being able to sleep or eat for weeks.
The world wants you to have a full energy source for you to be a good community member. That means taking care of yourself, healing your wounds and your trauma, nature walking, and meditating. This work is not easy, but it is impossible to do if you stop caring for yourself.
Equanimity and empathetic discernment are crucial for you to be able to give yourself enough time and space to be available when it is truly needed. That means you may need to miss a couple of events, take a day off, and not allow yourself to help every person/dog/cat/rabbit that needs help.
We have the ability to change a life. We have the ability to help others when we are full of energy that we can give.
Healthy ways to set boundaries looks like:
Ask yourself, “Who or what am I giving my power to?”
This question is the first question that I have most of my clients ask themselves on a daily basis as it is usually the root of most of our pains, both physical and emotional.
If you find that you are having difficulty answering that, you can ask yourself, “who or what am I putting most of my focus on? “ or “Where am I putting most of my energy?”
Firstly, remember that your cup can only be full when you give it the complete 100% love and attention it deserves. You are able to fill that cup at any given moment, too. It is in the self-care practices that you already know, and perhaps in a few practices, you don’t already know too-as we are all learning new ones on our journey towards self-care.
2. Be comfortable with saying no more often than yes.
Are you a people-pleaser? Trying to do too many things? Very often when we are going through hard times we can overcommit and overwork ourselves in order to avoid the suck. Directly walking into the pain helps relieve it as that is the movement that creates the healing. Doing this type of releasing is enough and doing a little less housework/errands/work/favors is exactly what the body and heart want. Be comfortable with people-pleasing less and having more down days that you require to journal, take long baths, nature walks, stretch and do yoga, sleep, cry, and feel your feelings.
Heavy times require more self-care.
It is okay to not be okay some days.
3. Remember your POWER!
This is true empowerment. You are the crystal/wand/magickal tool and the tool is powerful when linked with you!
I love doing meditations that lead me to my center and remind me of how strong and powerful I really am. Unfortunately, I know that these things are sometimes the last thing we think about when we are feeling disempowered or discouraged by life or situations. If only you remember what it feels like to say yes to something you would definitely say yes to right now, then connecting to those body sensations, is a first step in feeling into your power.
All your answers and healing come from within. All of it is with you right now. I know it sounds cheesy, but hey, you and I both know we believe in some pretty epic magick out there! So, why not believe in yourself!
4. Asking for help before we feel depleted and NEED help.
This is so huge! This will stop passive-aggressive behavior AND simultaneously empower you. Remember, you enjoy helping others, and believe it or not, they enjoy helping you too! Make sure to pay attention to your body and heart and notice when you are lacking energy or vitality. Instead of saying yes to things, try skipping it and asking for help!
5. Consistency with our boundaries and being comfortable with repeating our needs if the boundary is crossed.
This is the hardest part for me. I am pretty good at expressing my boundaries originally, but if they get repeatedly crossed I am not so good at repeating my boundaries. I find this mostly in business that I can bend my own boundaries more. I allow myself to rationalize my behavior because I genuinely love my clients and my work so much that it fills me with purpose. But, self-care is still needed even when we are being fulfilled by purposeful tasks. Notice where you bend your own boundary rules, too. It is not always in every category of our lives. This one takes loads of practice, especially if you are like me and have a slight ‘people pleaser’ trauma response in your body. Remember, when you take care of yourself fully you are inspiring others to do the same AND you are able to give with a full cup. This creates a contained SAFE environment for your body and energy.
Give your boundaries clarity.
Imagine your body is a castle and there is a moat that is surrounding you. Nothing can come in unless you welcome it. What would you name to not allow to come into your body/castle? What emotions do you not allow into your castle? What behaviors? What energy? How can you clarify it so that it is not just personalized, but drawn from your inherent values morals, and principles?
To take care of yourself so that you can be resilient and responsible for the positive change to come is not giving up. You are not stopping when you take a pause to breathe. You are preparing. You are growing. You are connecting to your purpose even deeper. You are able to be unstoppable as a force when you are not depleted of all your energy.
This is not about slowing down to not fight the good fight. This is harnessing that lifelong power to continue making the great changes you are going to do for the rest of your life and these are the tools that will help you get there.
I love you for all that you do already. Now, it's time for you to make sure your heart, mind, and soul know that you love you for doing all that you have done.
Thank you, compassionate warrior.
Breathe in and out.
Take breaks.
Hold boundaries.
Love self.
I will see you soon.
Brook Woolf
Your Emotional Body Mapper
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Hello! If you made it this far then you are very cool, obviously. I am Brook Woolf, the Author of this blog and founder of Emotional Body Mapping. If you want to know more about me feel free to check out my other posts and my bio! I hope you have found my site to have useful and thoughtful information. If you ever want me to do a deep dive on a topic feel free to email me! I am a real person and love hearing from my readers. Also, if you are looking for guidance in your holistic practice or life I also do private coaching if none of the online courses satiate you enough.
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